Letter to My Mentor

(This letter is written to one of my ex-girlfriend's father, who became a bit of a father figure to me for a couple of years.)

Revised 1/26/17

Dear D,

I hope that this letter finds you well.  We haven't spoken in several years now, but I am sure that you are busy with your winter projects and the grandkids are surely keeping you on your toes.  I'll keep this short, so you can get back to the garage.  I'm writing this letter to express my gratitude for the time that we were able to spend together.  In many ways, you helped me make a shift, a great transition in my life.  Although it was a tumultuous time for me, I could tell that you saw my bigger picture.  You were able to see that I would come out stronger.  You always had that calm certainty - like the eye of a storm.  I often think of you guys and hope that you are all doing well.  I have to thank you for welcoming me into your family.  My relationship with E. was a wonderful thing.  I thought for sure that it'd work out for us and that I'd still be around right now.  But clearly, that wasn't my destiny, and I am grateful for how it all worked out.  It was great to see her this summer, with her new baby.  

Anyway, I want to write and let you know that you were a huge influence in my life.  I always looked up to you.  You always seemed to have it together, and you live at this calm, meditative pace.  I think of the dinners we'd have as a family, the coffee the the morning, the truck rides.  I'll always be proud that I built a road (with you) from scratch.  What's the name of that road, now?  Anyway, I see now that I needed your support in those years.  It's funny how it all happens.  I simply appreciate who you are and how you live your life.  Simply.  With dignity and honesty.  With compassion.  (And with that dry, Canadian humor.)

What really struck me most was your story, because I'd never heard a survivor story like that.  You were very open and honest about your alcoholism and your recovery.  Like I'd said, before I met you, I knew more people that had died from addiction than those who'd survived.  Growing up, I was surrounded by drugs, alcohol, and shame.  It was weird.  You were the first person that I knew to walk away from that and choose a better life for yourself and your family.  And at great cost.  Why is that so common in New Bedford?  Through your example, I saw there are great dads out there.  I saw that people are capable of great change.  You are living proof - that things do get better.

I think the most helpful advice you gave me was suggesting that attend some Al-Anon meetings so that I could express my frustrations with my family's drug and alcohol issues, I could process some of that anger, and I could meet other people with similar stories.  I found a supportive network of people that were all affected by other people's lies, habits, and hurt.  It was a very positive experience that pushed me through some prime emotional development, and it inspired me to take on a path of healing for the things that I was letting hold me back.   

When we first met, I was a bit naive about a lot of things.  I had a bit of chip on my shoulder.  I hadn't come yet to understand that I was carrying the weight of my past - and that I needed to let it go.  I was angry.  I was numb.  I learned that the hard times I'd endured in my youth had hardened me up.  They locked me up.  I was stuck in a mindset that was full of fear, jealousy, and shame.  And I couldn't admit it.  You taught me that I could be honest with myself about these things, and that I had to look deeper to be able to resolve the past.  I took your advice.  I started going to Al-Anon meetings, and met a lot of people that were very inspiring.  Their stories were my stories.  It was amazing to see.  Through your wisdom, kindness, and guidance, I was able to be honest with myself - and eventually be the self that had become buried under the stress.  I didn't have to take on the burdens of my family.  You were right.  And I must thank you.

I do hope to see you soon, possibly on my next return to the East Coast.  I still want to get that coffee, maybe go for a ride.


Sincerely,


Drew

This Week's Poem: A Rhyming Ode to a Mentor

(I wrote this ode to one of my dearest teachers and mentors, Flossie.)



Flossie


This one goes out to the one

who showed me
that I could let it go
and let the universe hold me

that I could BE
and that everyone would see

that I am love
and I am light
and that it's always flowing


Flossie,

You put the poses in me

And I opened

You gave to me this key -
setting off
my symphony

From the waves to the trees
to the birds and the bees

I'm surrounded

How you planted all those seeds
with a certain grace and ease

How your words turned into stones
and how you set them
just before me

I'm convinced

Thank you, Flossy
for seeing in me
all the things I didn't
see, and
all the things I've come
to be

there's a greatness

(and) I am humbled

And when I think of you
as I often do

I feel loved

I feel lifted

I feel seen

I feel gifted